At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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