Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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