if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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