Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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