He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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