We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
