I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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