I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
