My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
