Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
