I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
