saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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