just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
