i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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