we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
