I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This baby is an asshole
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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