I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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