If that was your dad, he is hot
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Did I show you my penis last night?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
