After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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