too bad you live with your parents still
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
