apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize