Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
