Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
