Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
