Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize