dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
