There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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