I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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