he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
