I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
