Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
that's an acceptable place to lick
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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