Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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