her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i believe in u and ur pee
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