I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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