i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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