i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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