his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
