jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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