That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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