dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
