I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I deserve this hangover.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
