took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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