operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize