I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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