For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
