It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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