He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize