I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
how drunk are you?
Several
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
