those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
