she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
