I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
