I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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