____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
