omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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