I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I cut my penus on the lid.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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