No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
