The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
