College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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