dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
