so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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