Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I see more hoeing in ur future
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
