My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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