dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
