ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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