oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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