I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
