hell yes lets make some ravioli
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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