We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
