How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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