You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
