You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
