This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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