i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
