You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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