She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
