he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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