You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
