Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize