Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
